What? Lollipops!?

I’ll explain. Like most of you, I am fed a constant stream of information. From advertising hoardings as you drive down the road, to TV adverts, sports sponsorship and of course the behemoth that is social media. We are bombarded with this overwhelming flood of information and most of it slips past without sticking. But recently, one of these bits of information stuck like glue in my mind.

I work in the field of teams and leadership is ever present when it comes to teamwork. Traditionally, we have put leaders on a pedestal, in a form of hero worship. We have looked to those in power to have the answers, to tell us what to do and how to do it, and it’s been a very clear linear relationship. Think of those heroic leaders of the post – in war, politics, entertainment, sport. This for a long time was how it was done. But this is changing.

Leadership is no longer the preserve of the person whose name is in that particular box on the organisation chart or the team sheet. As Stanley McChrystal says in his book ‘Team of Teams’ we are moving away from the cult of the heroic leader to an era where leaders are gardeners – stepping out of the spotlight and nurturing those around them to take on the roles of leadership across the wider team.

‘In teams, increasingly, leadership is becoming less like a permanent tattoo on the leader’s body, but more like a hat that can be passed around the team when the need arises’.

Our world has been revolutionised in so many ways in the past few decades through social, racial and sexual equality movements, migration, the technology and information revolution and political upheaval. Along with this has been how we view and ‘do’ authority and leadership.

In teams, increasingly, leadership is becoming less like a permanent tattoo on the leader’s body, but more like a hat that can be passed around the team when the need arises. Increasingly, titular leaders are delegating decision making and devolving power to others below or alongside them, for reasons of efficiency and empowerment, in an effort to get the best, most effective work done, and no longer holding on to power in order to perhaps protect their ego or image.

Leadership, therefore, is becoming something that is either expected of everybody on the team in some way and at some point, or is available to everyone as the need arises. But it’s more than that: I believe that leadership is an obligation for all of us, across all the teams and relationships that we become part of, either fleetingly, say in a short project at work, or permanently, in the families that we live in.

So where does the lollipop fit in? The piece of information I referred to at the beginning that stuck in my head was a TED Talk I saw a few months back, by a Canadian guy called Drew Dudley, titles ‘Leading with Lollipops’. It’s awesome – I urge you to take 6 mins 20 secs out of your day to watch it – here’s the link – before you read on.

The story unfolds about how Drew was handing out lollipops to people as part of a charity awareness drive on the first day of college. There’s a girl in a queue of freshmen waiting to register for the term and she is so scared and nervous about college that she is literally on the point of quitting. She is with her parents and is about to tell them she wants to leave, when Drew appears, handing out lollipops to people in the line. He stops in front of her, turns, and hands the lollipop to the guy next to her saying ‘you have to give this lollipop to the beautiful woman standing next to you’.

The poor guy is suitably embarrassed but does hand the lollipop over. Drew says to her parents ‘See? First day away from home and she’s taking candy from a stranger!’ Everyone falls about laughing and in an instant, her fears have gone and she decides to stay.

Four years later, this girl stops Drew at graduation, and tells him the story. She hasn’t spoken to him since, but feels she wants to thank him because he was essentially responsible for her deciding to stick with college and also because she is still dating the guy who gave her the lollipop.

Why is this relevant to leadership? Because when she came up and told him this story, Drew had no recollection of her or the incident ever taking place. He had taken on an essential leadership role in the life of that girl and her team – her family and future boyfriend – without even knowing he was doing so.

As Drew says in his TED Talk, ‘we have made leadership into something bigger than us. We have made it into something beyond us. We have made it about changing the world. And we’ve taken this title of leader and we treat is as if it’s something that one day we’re going to deserve. But to give it to ourselves right now is a level of arrogance or cockiness that we’re not comfortable with’. 

And this is the point. We are all leaders in our teams now, consciously or subconsciously, whether we have the title on paper or not. In fact, we always have been – but we should all now be aware and comfortable that this is not only OK, it’s a necessary fact within good teams. We shouldn’t be waiting for the titular leader to always do the leading. Yes, the buck does stop with them at some point and they will be responsible for the big decisions at the end of the day still, but everyday leadership should now be something coming from everyone on the team.

We are all handing out lollipops all of the time, whether we realise it or not, and we are all being handed lollipops by people not in traditional leadership roles.

I can remember one particular time in my life when I was being teased at school and felt awful, and an older boy noticed, despite my best efforts to hide my feelings. He took me aside and just told me it’s OK, don’t take it to heart and it will pass. I will never forget his compassion and support at a time when I was at my weakest and most vulnerable, and it has stuck with me for thirty years. I am sure he won’t remember that – in fact I wouldn’t be surprised if he doesn’t even remember me – but he was instrumental in helping me cope when I needed it most. He handed me a lollipop.

And now, I see my three year old daughter already handing lollipops to my eighteen month old son. She gives him hugs when he’s crying, or shares her snack with him when he’s hungry – taking on a leadership role of carer to someone in her team.

Leaders need to realise that their role is changing, and the people being lead need to step up to the plate, too. The responsibility to embrace the passing around of the leadership hat is not the preserve of the actual leader – it is the responsibility and right of everyone on the team.

So, go out and start handing out lollipops. Be good leaders, even if you are the junior person on a team. And if someone has handed you a lollipop, no matter how long ago, thank them for it. They may well have forgotten – and you thanking them might just be a crucial lollipop going back the other way.

(POSTSCRIPT: The girl in Drew Dudley’s story ended up marrying the guy who gave her the lollipop. And I have tracked down and emailed the boy who helped me out, and am awaiting a response. I don’t mind if he doesn’t reply – it felt amazing enough just to commit my thanks to words and send the email).